frustrated today...

warning!!! probably TMI: i am so frustrated today!!! INFERTILITY SUCKS!!!! and my body is pissing me off!!! i took 100mg of clomid this month, and my progesterone was great. the best progesterone level i've ever had--an almost normal progesterone....so i was expecting a longer LP. but guess what?? nope, i am spotting this morning and my temp is low--all signs point to AF, and my LP was shorter this month than last. now i am wondering if i miscalculated last month and the months preceeding or what. the moral of the story is this: this sucks. and i am so frustrated. i could cry, but i won't because i think i won't stop crying. i don't expect it to be quick, because it took us nearly 2 years last time, and i am only 1 year in this time, but i just had such hopes...sucks, sucks, sucks.

okay, on to better things: it is my spring break week. i have 44 essays waiting for me to grade them, and i haven't even started, but i figured if i can grade 11 essays a day for the next 4 days, i'll be done before the weekend. dd and i are at home, but i have errands to run this morning. ds is at his grandmas, and he will come home tomorrow, and i have to drive an hour to meet my mother, who is meeting me with him...i had hoped for a quiet week, but i have yet to spend a whole day at home.

yesterday i had to go and renew our cars tags, which took forever. nothing like standing in line for an hour with a 2 1/2 year old!! then the lady that did my tags calls last night to tell she made a mistake and we owe them $56 more. and here is the kicker: i have to have it there before 9am when the state courier comes to pick up the tag stuff. WTH? i told her, "i absolutely will not stand in line again. i already wasted an hour doing that." so i literally have to drive 20 miles to drop off a check before 9am to save their butts. (can you tell i am irritated?)

one good thing i did get done this week: i cleaned out my closet! i LOVE how great it feels to clean out and organize. it just makes everything seem better somehow. i am taking a pile of stuff to the local thrift store, and i also have a small "ebay" stack (which means scrapping money)! :)

i have done a little scrapping lately! wanna see?


i used lena brandenburg's "pure joy" minikit and faith true's "rainbow corners" and "felt glitter ric rac"! all this stuff is at TDS!


i love that paper! it is tracey gilbert monette's "scattagorically speaking" paper and her "black cluster frames," both at SBE! and that gorgeous "beauty" is from "bella stamps" by nancie rowe janitz at scrapartist!

one more:


my little boy is getting so grown up! i used tracey gilbert monette's "notebook cluster" (at SBE), lauren reid's "lazy afternoon" paper & "black sheep" alpha, ashley olson's arrow doodle, stacey jewell stahl's "paint it!" paint strokes, & word art (in the tag) by tina chambers.

i have some big guest CT news, but i have to wait to tell!!! i should be able to brag at the beginning of april, but I AM SO EXCITED!!!

finally, peace...

the kids are finally asleep--and the house is peaceful, so peaceful, but it still feels a bit unsettled to me. kevin is away on business again. i say again, although he really isn't gone that much relatively speaking...but it is so weird when he isn't here. you'd think i'd be scrapping like crazy, since there is no one here to complain about the time i am spending on the computer, but i am feeling a little uninspired tonight...i miss him. just the mere presence of him is comforting.

i had a nearly perfect moment with my little girl the night before last. i was laying down with her, and she reached over and started stroking my cheek with the back of her little fingers. she was so gentle and sweet! i will frequently stroke the side of her face like this, and to have her do it all by herself as a sign of affection for me was almost too sweet to bear! one of those perfect moments...

another amazing thing that happened this week: the department gave me another class. now, it is not a common thing to get a class the week before spring break, but the instructor fell off of her horse and broke her hip. she is going to be okay, but she won't come back for the semester. so, i became the teacher of record today for a 4000-level class. i mean, i am actually teaching junior and senior english majors--a big change for me, considering i am used to freshman and sophomores! they have been fairly nice considering i just showed up in their class and turned their world upside down. but i won't have any cohesive plan till after spring break--i mean, i don't even have the book they are reading, and it isn't one of those "order it from amazon and it will be here in 2 days" books, so i hope to have it soon. this is such a challenge for me, and i only hope i can be the kind of teacher they deserve. the extra money will be nice, though.

and speaking of extra money, i am hoping to talk kevin into a real printer: the kind that prints 12x12 layouts! :) my birthday is coming up, so i hope i can talk him into it!

OH, i almost forgot!!! tracey gilbert monette (clever monkey graphics) at scrapbook elements, asked me to be on her CT this past week! i, of course, accepted. her designs are so unique, and her CT is pretty fun so far! here are a couple of layouts using her designs:


credits: "notebook cluster, no. 1" by tracey gilbert monette, background paper & alpha by lauren reid, stars & paper planes from scrapgirls, paint strokes by stacey jewell stahl, word art by tina chambers, and arrow doodle by ashley olson.


credits: "simple blue" papers & elements by tracey gilbert monette, cardboard overlay by linda gil billdal

i am having so much fun with her stuff!

today i was reading due south by r. scott brunner, and he has a chapter about his wife's grandmother and how everyday she writes something on her calendar--little details about life: the weather, if she went out, animals she saw, etc...the point is that even though she doesn't keep a formal journal, she is recording her life, giving it meaning. it made me think about this blog. my chance to record a bit of my life, to give it meaning. i hope one day my sweet little girl will read about how happy she made me the night before last. and i hope one day my family will appreciate knowing things about my day, their day.