My Turning Point

The art journal challenge for this week is by Trish (Artcmom), and I decided to try it. The theme is about a turning point, but I can't decide what my turning point is. Because writing is my thing, I decided to try to write through it and see what I come up with.

My very first thought was that my turning point was when my father died, or rather when he was sick and how the entire ordeal changed me...this event changed my hopes, dreams, and priorities. I think before he died, I was so naive. I was an only child who, despite all the rampant disfunction around me, had been told and taught that I was special. I wanted to act and sing and was such a dreamer before he died. I was passionate and poetic and, well, a lot more free than I am now. After he died, I went crazy for a while. I was a sophomore in college, and I did what college kids do. I drank way too much and I smoked way too much and I drowned myself in all the excess. And when I was done with that, I sat and stared at walls for a while. Then I did what he always taught me to do. I "bucked up" and got on with my life. I did what I was supposed to do. I made good grades; I calmed down; I became dependable again. But I think something in me was broken, or at least forever tamed. I didn't want to run off to New York and be in musicals anymore. Hell, it was years before I even wanted to sing again, really. Music was too much a part of my spirit, and if I tapped into that, I would have to tap into the pain, which I did not want to do. The point is this: The dreamer in me died when he died. What little bit of vagabond, free spirit I had in me was buried when he was buried...and I will never, ever be able to recover the bit of me that was lost--the naive view of the world. So, what I went after was stability, predictability, safety, and I found it.

Other turning points:

*You don't bring me flowers (age 4)
*Birth of son
*YaYas
*Natural childbirth

If I could chose a different occupation...(DSP Prompt 10/13)

Prompt: Would you choose differently if you could choose your occupation again? Why? How?

You know, I wouldn't chose a different occupation if I could...I might take a more direct approach to get here, however. I am a college English instructor, and I really do love it! It is not what I intended to do with my life, mind you. I wanted to have 4 children and stay at home and homeschool them, etc. But sometimes God has plans for us that don't necessarily jive with our own plans--and I am thankful for it! When had trouble conceiving our second child, I decided to go back to graduate school in an effort to figure out what to do with my life if I wasn't going to be able to have a bunch of children. And here I am now! I have a degree, I teach parttime, my children are in school, and I am happy...

Recipes or Seasonal Foods (DSP Prompt 10/9)

Oh, I love this time of year because of the comfort food! :)

I am a crazy woman for good pecan pie, and my MIL starts making it for events all holiday season. I swear I gain 5 lbs every year off of her pecan pie alone!

This fall I am going to do a lot of yam recipes--I like yams, but I am doing primarily for medicinal reasons. Apparently yams can help improve egg quality and strength of ovulation, and since I am trying to get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs (at least right now), I am trying to get excited about YAMS. Any good yam recipes, girls? I need them!

Otherwise, I am actually having Christmas day at my house this year, and I have no idea what to cook...

Thanks for reading my rambilng today!

Write about whatever for 5 minutes (DSP Prompt 10/4)

GO!

My grandmother and my aunt just left our house, and I am struck by how much my grandmother has gone downhill in the few months since I last saw her...She used to be such a towering, strong woman. She is 82 now, though, and her age is finally starting to show. Her voice is softer; her movements slower. And I can see the stress of it on my aunt's face. It makes me a little sad. I know that this is the consequences of time, but as I get older, I am more and more aware of how quickly it all goes by. What will I be like at 82 (God willing that I make it to 82)? I hope to have not just grandchildren but great-grandchildren. I hope to be in good health and still have a good mind (both of my grandmothers are still relatively sharp given their advanced age). I hope my old age is a happy time...my friend Kim & I joke that we will sit on the porch of our old folks' home and eat cannolis all day while we rock in our rocking chairs and recall old times. Which leads me to my next point, which is that after I reach age 70 or so, I am going to eat whatever in the world I want. I figure if I make it that long, then I am going to deserve luscious deserts and lovely, gourmet meals! I mean, why grow old if you can't enjoy it?

STOP!

Celebrate a relationship in your life... (DSP Prompt 10/3)

I have a lot of great relationships I could celebrate--my husband, my kids, my family, my YaYas, my friends--but I think I will take a different approach today.

I want to celebrate my relationship with the teller at the bank. A few weeks ago, I drove up to the drive thru window to get our grocery cash for the month. Nicole (the teller) said, "Hello, Mrs. ****." I said, "Hello, Nicole," as I put my check and ID into the little drawer. Then Nicole said, "I don't need to see your ID anymore, Mrs. ****." It was at that moment that it occurred to me that Auburn is truly home.

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. My pharmacist was not just a random person, he knew me and my mother and my grandmother, and I graduated with his son, etc. The tellers at the bank were people I had grown up with. I could not go to the grocery store (or anywhere) without seeing people I knew.

And although we have lived here for, gosh, nearly 7 years now, I am not sure I ever felt that same level of comfort and had those "home" experiences until the past year or so.

Now, when I go into my pharmacy, they know me. The pharmacist knows my children and can ask about them. When I go to the Kroger, it takes me an extra 30 minutes because I know I will see someone I have to talk to. At the Kroger, the manager of the natural foods section knows me well enough to say, "We just got in some new yogurt like your little girl likes." And now the teller at the bank knows me, too.

It is often the small, small things that help us to feel comfortable in our community and in our "home." And today I want to celebrate my relationship with Nicole, the bank teller, because she made me realize all of this just by telling me that she did not need to see my ID anymore.

I've been tagged!!!!

Well, I have now been tagged twice!

Here are 5 weird/odd things about me:

1. I like to put A1 Steak Sauce on my baked potato. It is sooo good!
2. I wear granny nightgowns to bed every night. My friend Jenny makes fun of me for this, and I am trying to aquire some younger sleeping attire, but it is expensive to buy nightwear!
3. I am severely scared of spiders. I hate them. A lot.
4. I think my husband is incredibly sexy with a full beard! He says it is a weird fetish or something, but I really love it on him. The strange part is that I don't particularly pay attention to facial hair on other men...
5. My first love was my husband's best friend (this was years ago in high school--way before he and I were together or thought of being together!)!

Okay, I am going to be hard pressed to tag 5 people because I don't know that I know 5 people to tag. Here is my list:
Michelle (michellejnig)
Linda (Scraphag)
Heather (mercerph)
Bonnie (bonniesbonbon)
mom2triplets04

Here are the rules for the people I tagged. Make a list of 5 weird/odd things about you, then tag 5 people.

I'll sleep well tonight because...(DSP Prompt 10/1)

First things first: Sorry I've been AWOL for a while. I just needed some time to get myself together. I had to grade a bunch of papers and catch up on some things!

Now, on to the prompt:

I'll sleep well tonight because I am going to take a decongestant to try to get rid of all the crud in the back of my throat!

No, really, I will sleep well tonight because my kitchen is clean, my children are tucked safely into bed, my husband & I are on the same page about trying to conceive a third child (for us to be on the same page is a tremendous relief to me), and I am healthy. I am blessed that things are relatively calm right now, and I will rest well because of it!

Hope you all sleep well, too!